Forget Losing Weight—Shred Some Strings Instead!
By Michael Austin
Every year, millions of people around the globe engage in a time-honored tradition: crafting New Year’s resolutions that are destined to last approximately as long as a fresh carton of milk in July. We promise ourselves we’ll eat better, exercise more, stop doomscrolling, and maybe finally learn how to fold a fitted sheet without summoning a minor existential crisis. But let’s be honest: by the third week of January, the gym bag is doubling as a laundry hamper, kale is wilting in the fridge, and the fitted sheets still look like abstract origami.
But what if there was one resolution—one goal so irresistible, so universally cool, so enduringly fun—that it naturally outlasts all others? The answer, my friend, is not blowing in the wind. It’s learning to play guitar. And yes, this is the only New Year’s resolution that should persist. Seriously, forget the rest. Learning guitar is the resolution for people tired of resolutions. Here’s why.
Resolutions: The Good, The Bad, And The “Did I Say That Out Loud?”
Let’s break down some classic New Year’s resolutions. Lose weight? Commendable, but treadmills are just expensive coat racks in disguise. Read more books? A noble endeavor, but after six pages, you’re asleep and dreaming of Netflix. Be more organized? You’ll spend forty minutes color-coding your calendar, then forget where you put the calendar.
But learning guitar? First, you get to say, “I’m a guitar player.” Instantly, your coolness increases by at least 73%—scientifically proven by the Institute of Awesome People With Guitars (which may or may not exist, but you get the idea). Plus, you’ll never be short of conversation at parties. Just bring up your new hobby and watch people ask you to play “Wonderwall”—because apparently, that’s the only song anyone thinks a guitar can play.
Guitar: The Multi-Tool of Life
Playing guitar isn’t just a hobby; it’s a multi-tool for surviving adulthood’s most awkward moments. Awkward silence at a gathering? Whip out your six-string and strum a tune. Need to impress your crush? Nothing says “date material” like a heartfelt rendition of “Smoke on the Water.” Trying to avoid chores? Sorry, can’t take out the trash, I’m practicing my arpeggios.
And let’s not forget: learning guitar gives you a legitimate excuse to buy new stuff. Picks, amps, pedals—each purchase justified under the noble banner of self-improvement. You’ll have so many accessories, you’ll forget you ever wanted to organize your sock drawer.
Side Effects May Include Spontaneous Jamming
Unlike other resolutions, learning guitar comes with side effects that are actually fun. You might find yourself spontaneously jamming with strangers in the park, joining a band called “The Resolutionaries,” or serenading your cat (who remains unimpressed, but you keep trying). You could even write your own song about failed resolutions—“Ballad of the Forgotten Gym Membership” has a nice ring to it.
Plus, guitar playing is scientifically proven to boost happiness, increase finger dexterity, and give you an excuse to wear sunglasses indoors. No one questions a guitarist’s fashion choices. It’s the law.
But What If I Have No Talent? (Spoiler: Nobody Does At First)
If you’re worried you won’t be good, relax! Every guitar legend started out making sounds best described as “experimental.” Besides, guitar playing is about the journey, not the destination. Even the most cacophonous chord progression is progress. Besides, compared to the average attempt at assembling Ikea furniture, learning guitar is a walk in the park—with fewer Allen wrenches and less existential dread.
Shred, Don’t Sweat
This year, ditch the guilt, the pressure, and the kale. Make your only New Year’s resolution learning to play guitar. Not only will you have fun, make friends, and develop a skill that lasts a lifetime, but you’ll finally have an answer when someone says, “So, what’s your New Year’s resolution?” Just smile, strum, and say, “I’m here to rock.” After all, resolutions come and go—but power chords are forever.
Get your skills at Austin Music Co.!
RSS
