Why Not Learning an Instrument Might Be Hazardous to Your Health (and Your Happiness): A Humorous Investigation
By Michael Austin
Bracing yourself for a life without scales, chords, and the occasional out-of-tune note? Read on at your own risk.
Picture this: you’re at a party, and someone whips out a guitar. They play a few chords, everyone is enchanted, and soon the whole room erupts into a sing-along. The only instrument you can play is the triangle (badly), so you stand by the chips, wondering if maybe, just maybe, you missed out on more than just a party trick. But could not learning to play an instrument be affecting more than just your social life? Could it actually impact your health? Let’s dig into the science, statistics, and, of course, the comedy of not jamming your way to wellness.
The Science of Strumming and the Pathology of Passing
Let’s start with the truth: playing a musical instrument is like CrossFit for your brain. In fact, a 2018 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that adults who played music reported significantly higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction—at least 21% higher—compared to those who didn’t. That’s right, picking up a ukulele is, statistically, more happiness-inducing than finding a forgotten $20 bill in your winter coat.
But what happens if you never touch an instrument? Well, you might not burst into flames, but you could be missing out on a remarkable set of brain and health benefits. Playing an instrument has been shown to improve memory, boost creativity, and even raise your IQ by up to 7 points, according to a 2006 study in Nature Reviews Neuroscience. So, not learning an instrument? You could be depriving your brain of a solid upgrade—like refusing a free software update for your mind.
The Cardiovascular Catastrophe of Never Noodling
Let’s talk heart health. A 2013 study from the Netherlands found that older adults who regularly played an instrument had lower blood pressure and were 31% less likely to develop cardiovascular disease. That’s better odds than most gym memberships—and you don’t even need to wear spandex. Meanwhile, those who ignore music altogether may face increased stress levels. Dr. Barry Goldstein, a music and health researcher, claims that listening to or playing music can lower cortisol (the “stress hormone”) by up to 65%. So, by not playing, you might just be inviting stress to waltz into your veins and set up camp.
Immunity Blues: When You Don’t Play, Your Body May Pay
Ever heard of the “Mozart Effect”? While it’s often overstated, research published in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity showed that making music can boost your body’s Immunoglobulin A—one of your first lines of defense against illness. People who don’t engage with music may have lower immunity, leaving them more susceptible to the common cold or, worse, the existential dread of an extended elevator ride.
Social Isolation: A Key Problem
Playing an instrument is a social superpower. The Royal Society for Public Health reports that group music-making can reduce feelings of loneliness and increase one’s sense of belonging. Not playing? Get ready for solo karaoke nights in your living room, with your cat as the only audience. (Spoiler: your cat is not a fan.)
Potential Side Effects of Not Learning an Instrument
- Unexplained air guitar outbreaks
- Sudden onset of envy during musical gatherings
- Chronic overuse of Spotify playlists
- Improvised drum solos on kitchenware
- Possibility of developing “music FOMO” (Fear Of Missing Out)
The Punchline
So, should you panic if you don’t know your arpeggios from your elbow? Not necessarily! But, science (and your future party self) suggests that learning even a simple instrument is good for the soul—and the body. You don’t have to become Mozart overnight. Even a humble kazoo might ward off the health woes of the unmusical masses.
In conclusion, while not learning an instrument won’t guarantee doom, it may mean missing out on a suite of health and happiness benefits. If nothing else, you’ll always have the triangle. Give the health counsellors at Austin Music Co. a call today, and find your way into health and happiness!
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